Before I Let You Go
by Everlane
Summary: Set in the Hunger Games Era. Rated T. Pezberry. Rachel in the moments she's had with her first love until reaping day.


_Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Hunger Games._

**Author's Note:** I was inspired solely by helaluvE's _A_ _Journey in Kisses_. I loved it, the fluff was practically gushing from the story, and it motivated me to write this one. But unlike the other one, this is...let me say the Greek definition of a tragedy. This is definitely _Hunger Games _era so I already made it known that the universe is not mine. The two are in District 12, my favorite district next to District 11 (nicknamed the _Bad Ass District_).

I also wanted to speak about the second chapter of _The Sun Goes Out_. I apologize if the cliffhanger was just too abrupt, I didn't mean it to be that way but that's how it is on my outline. I can only say that it's not going to be like that in the rest of the chapters and that's that. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this one-shot and if you can, tell me what you think.

* * *

**Before I Let You Go**

She remembers hearing people yelling at each other the first time it happened, feeling her hair yanked in all places, and closing her eyes to it all, trying to calm the rapid beating in her heart. She was nine then, and even though the play she was the star in was just a school play, it felt like the whole of Panem was watching her.

The whole thing made her want to cry, but she couldn't ruin her make up. So she followed the other actors to the stage and waited for the curtains to pull apart. She was petrified, her whole body tense the more she calmed herself by taking deep breaths.

She was in her own world that, but it was the same time she felt it, the feel of her cheek being nudged by something wet. She turned in surprise, her pretty brown eyes catching beautiful yellow dandelions in front of her. She hears the music starting to play, when she pulled the bundle down and watched dark brown eyes smile at her. In the dark, she couldn't see the girl very well, but she noticed a grin.

"Good Luck."

When the girl left, leaving a trail of blue cotton on her dress and raven hair, Rachel wondered why her cheek felt like it was burning when she was kissed there. For moments more she stood holding her cheek, until the curtains were finally drawn apart, and the spotlight shone on her.

The play starts and she transforms into character, but in the back of her mind, she thinks of the girl who silently watches her from afar. She's almost hidden by the other children and their parents, but Rachel could see her. When the play ends, she's happy not only because all the people are clapping because they weren't forced to, but because the girl is clapping enthusiastically.

* * *

She later finds out the girl is called Santana, and she's a year older than her at sixteen. She's awfully pretty, with tanned skin, dark hair, and lips she thought of kissing.

The girl lives two doors down with her father, mother, and seven brothers and sisters, and would disappear for hours illegally in the woods. When she was in town, she worked nonstop in her mother's apothecary until it closed down late at night.

Rachel would often go there to buy her father's medicine, hoping to catch the girl's eye. And it was easy, especially when Santana was on cleaning duty.

Sometimes they would speak whenever Rachel milked her goat in the yard. They never mention the play, but Santana sometimes passed by and greeted her with a good day. They'd indulge in small talk, too shy to go on any further, and would part ways when a passerby looks on curiously. She'd go on with her humming, and would stare at the back of the girl walking away, who almost always looks back with a smile.

* * *

Her father, Hiram, learns about Santana through a friend. Not surprisingly, everyone in District 12 knows her because she traded meat from the woods in the black market and would give some of the customers free ointments as much to her mother's dismay.

She was infamous for winning the best deals in bargains, notoriously speaking without a filter in her head. Once, Rachel remembers seeing the twelve year old girl happily counting loaves of bread as little Peeta's mother cursed her. Santana replied with a 'thank you for your kindness, you old hag.', and left the woman there gaping after her with Peeta snickering behind his hand.

In school, Santana was very different. She was one of the most beautiful in classes, along with the mayor's daughter. She was mean, and would sometimes send a young girl crying with her vicious tongue. Like today.

"Why did you do that to her?" Rachel slipped from behind the door in the classroom, her palms clenched. "That's not right! You shouldn't have called the girl a fat blob!"

"Well maybe you should go after her. Think your tiny legs could catch up?"

So when her father decides to invite Santana over for dinner since she gives him some free ointments, Rachel isn't happy. But she doesn't let her father notice though. He was sick, and needed the most happiness he could get. If she needed to pretend that she still likes Santana, then so be it.

Santana arrives without the scowl she held when they argued. She looks a little ashamed, and is awkward in her helping Rachel's father with food. He makes a good feast for the girls, using up most of the supplies despite Rachel's protests. He sometimes did so much to make everyone happy.

He questions the girl, and doesn't try to grill her too much. Rachel focuses on her food, making sure to eat every bite even if she isn't that hungry. It wasn't good to waste food. When he begins to cough, Rachel is quick to come to his aid and lead him to bed.

When she comes back out and begins to clear the table, Santana stops her with a, "Hey I'm...sorry about the attitude yesterday."

_How could she stay any more mad? _Rachel sighs and takes a chair to sit close to the other girl, staring deep into dark eyes. She takes a tanned hand, and under the candlelight, traces small scars that marred smooth skin. She let her dark hair fall over the side of her face, making it impossible for the other girl to see her unless she decides to move it behind her ear.

"I like you." She hears herself saying quietly, before looking up.

Santana smiles, enclosing her hands and bringing it to her lips before saying the words she's hoped to hear the years she's known her. She thinks about how quiet the dining room is, with the dim light and the crickets singing outside with some of the mockingjays. She thinks about how the flame on the burning wax sways when Santana leans over and kisses her lips.

* * *

"What are you doing with Santana?"

"What?"

Her best friend Quinn smiles deviously and nudges Rachel, careful to greet the Peacekeepers who pass by. One of them, a young man named Puck watches the two of them with leery eyes, prompting a sly grin from her blonde friend. Rachel would never understand why Quinn went for that man, but she dared not question anything.

And besides, Quinn was the only person besides her father who knows that she likes girls. If anyone else finds out, she'd be ostracized by the whole community. And she couldn't afford to, not when her father needs to be taken care of for his illness. After years of working in the coal mine, she watched her father go from being a healthy man into someone far worse. He would cough, cough so loudly that she could hear the phlegm. She didn't want to risk his life that way.

Santana always provides the medicines, and hunts for the meat. Rachel couldn't protest, and could only thank the girl for helping with them even when she had to feed so many mouths. So it paid to spend more time together in the privacy of her home, and kiss under thin sheets with the sun shining through the window. She had to show Santana how much she cared.

"You know." Quinn bit her lower lip. "You and Santana."

"That's none of your business."

The blonde laughs. "I'll tell you one thing though, and make sure you listen well."

"What is that?"

"Take as much as you can get."

Quinn's smile is gone. Rachel knows that it isn't she and Santana she was talking about, but of Theodore. Four years ago, they both watched Quinn's only love perish in an ice land on the 68th Hunger Games. "She helps take care of your father. I don't care what anyone else thinks, just love her as much as you can before next week."

"She's not going to be reaped."

"Huh. And you're saying this despite the fact that she has a record breaking number of tessarae?"

Rachel looks away in denial. "She has two years left."

Quinn shook her head and kept walking, slipping her hand into Rachel's. The sun before them was setting. Rachel commented on how much it looked like her friend's hair, earning a slap on the arm by Quinn who then shoved her away. When night falls, she slips past the barred fence and goes into the deep woods, following the small trail Santana made for her if she wanted to find her one day.

There was fire flickering on a stack of logs up ahead. Santana was by herself, pushing more twigs to brighten the fire when she notices Rachel. Before she said anything else, Rachel props herself on her lap before shutting her up the best way she could.

"What got into you?" Santana asks when Rachel pulls back.

She shrugs, stroking dark hair. "Nothing. I just wanted to do that."

"Huh. You should do it more."

Rachel grins, before she lets Santana pull her back in.

* * *

When reaping day comes, Rachel clutches Santana's hand for dear life as Effie Trinket places her hand in the glass ball. A paper slips out, and her cheeks are swimming with tears as she silently watches. And those words, those words should have sent her knees buckling if it weren't for Santana's hold.

"Ms. Quinn Fabray."

She watches Quinn slip out of the crowd of girls, and gracefully make her way to the podium. Effie calls a fifteen year old boy named Darius Mallow, a short red haired who is on the brink of crying as he walks up next to Quinn.

When she goes inside a room to see her friend off, Quinn hugs her and whispers, "Take as much as you can." She squeezes before she's ushered off, leaving Rachel with a wink.

Quinn never makes it to the top eight.

* * *

"Do you wish you'd been there?"

"You mean if I wanted to be in Quinn's place?"

"Uh huh."

"That means I have to leave you. Even if she's my best friend."

She closes her eyes, feeling soft lips press her forehead before she doses off to sleep in Santana's arms. In her dreams, she thinks of Quinn standing on the platform during the countdown, more beautiful as she'd ever been. She sees her glowing during her interview with Caesar Flickerman, who complements her on her gown. She's calm and happy looking, but only Rachel knows that she was terrified.

* * *

Santana turns seventeen when she takes out more tessarae. Rachel doesn't comment, but the girl knows she's worried. They don't speak much about it for a while. One night, Rachel hears a tap on her window. It's Santana, ushering her to come out of the house.

She whispers a good night to he father and leaves him a small note with some medicine to help him in his coughing during the night.

Santana says that there was a late party at the school, and this is the only time the Peacekeepers will allow it. Unlike their district, the other districts were held on a tight leash, with the officials often accusing those who play music of inciting an uprising.

She allows the girl to pull her in the dark. They reach the party, laughing at the students who were dancing their hearts out. An old ridden boombox sits on a chair, a gift from Puck, and plays music from before there were districts and a capital city. Most records from the past have been destroyed, but there are some neighbors around who keep a few in their homes.

They drink ale and dance the night away. Since the room is dark, she couldn't help but press her back against Santana in the corner of a room, sighing as lips cover hers. Her breath hitches at the hands over her chest and waist, grasping lavender cotton. Rachel turns and pulls her deeper into a kiss, but Santana pulls back and whispers, "Let's go somewhere." into her ear.

They go to the woods, in a small opening Santana resides in when she wanted to be alone. Over a blanket, Rachel experienced something she calls magical. It all seemed hurried and rough, but they both knew that it was something more special to both of them at a time like this.

* * *

Santana is eighteen when reaping day comes again. Rachel has a bad feeling, but wants to ignore it. She hasn't eaten or slept in days, and tries to forget about the day by spending more of her time helping her father. Around noon, she's already dolled up in her best, dabbing her father's forehead with a warm cloth when he speaks.

"It's her last year, huh?"

She tenses, but nods. "Yes."

"She has 65 of them."

"Yes."

He sighs. "She'll be reaped."

She doesn't respond, but continues to tend to her father. When it was time for the reaping to begin, she parts with a goodbye and rushes down the road. She sees Santana near the opening, and grasps her hands. At that moment, she didn't care if the whole of District 12 was watching and didn't think of her father. She leaned up to claim Santana's lips openly, holding her for what seemed like forever.

People were watching, some in awe while others in shock. She pulled back, and sees that Santana is the same way. Frightened. But she tightens her jaw and nods, as if telling Rachel that if all came down to her leaving, she was happy about the moments they had.

Effie Trinket puts her hand in as Rachel clutches Santana's hand again.

"Oo! What a lovely candidate!" Effie smiles, looking right in the crowd. "Santana Lopez, would you come to the stand, please?

Rachel's heart was pounding, and as she felt the other girl's hand slip away from hers, she suddenly held on to her. Everyone watches them struggle internally for a moment. She keeps her eyes over Santana's hand, and her vision blurs at the sight of those scars she studied when they first kissed.

"Before I let you go...you have to pro-"

"I can't do that."

She agrees even though her heart breaks, and lets her hand go. She keeps her head down, when Santana is hailed by Effie and the crowd is forced to clap. Rachel is never allowed to see Santana off, and she isn't surprised.

She's numb the whole time Santana is on tour with the other District 12 tribute, lauded for her cool demeanor by the whole of Panem. Those dogs are especially interested in her love back home, the dark haired girl who held her and was banned from seeing her off.

Caesar Flickerman asks her, "What would you say to her if you were with her now?"

Rachel watches Santana crumble behind her straight face, but to everyone in Panem, she's as aloof as she was the day she stepped in the city. She's gorgeous in a red dress, that hugs her curves. Her hair is flawless, and skin radiant. She stares at the camera, so intensely that Rachel feels like she's the one being looked at.

It then that she accepts that she misses her, and wishes she were here. Her vision blurs as her father's hand travels over her shoulder. Santana lips stretches out, revealing the first smile she's held back since she reached Panem.

The crowd is silent, eagerly anticipating the girl's next words.

"If she were here..." Her voice cracks, and some people 'aw'ed in the audience. They annoy the hell out of her, but it's only Santana she wanted to hear. "...I love you so much, Rachel. And..."

The buzzer rings and it's time for the next tribute to be interviewed. Rachel waits until Santana is sent in the back, for the next tribute to be interviewed. When the show is over, she feels her father hugging her from behind and lets go.

* * *

Santana wins.

But Rachel knows she's already dead inside. She sees it. Through the bloodshed, and the children who die under her hands. Santana is no longer herself. When she wins, stabbing the District 2 girl in the chest, she's deemed a champion.

On the television screen she watches Santana laugh at a comment Flickerman makes in an interview. She's still beautiful, but her eyes are different, as if their almost empty. Rachel doesn't listen to her dad express happiness, and leaves the living room outside into the yard to milk her goat.

When Santana comes to find her, her father is forced to turn the girl back.

* * *

_Should I add the companion piece?_


End file.
